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4th February, 2008 - 5:55 pm
By Buster Gunning
There were so many terrific candidates for this year’s Western Conference All-Star team that a boatload of deserving players were bound to be left off the 2008 squad. Guys like Marcus Camby, Baron Davis, and Chris Kaman are all enjoying all-star worthy campaigns, but the wealth of talent on the left side of the Mississippi has left them with no ticket to New Orleans.
Stephen Jackson, who is averaging a career-high 20.4 points, 4.4 rebounds, and 4.2 assists for Golden State this season, feels he deserved to make the Western squad over “scrubs” like Kobe Bryant, Steve Nash, Chris Paul, and Dirk Nowitzki.
“I think I should be representing the Warriors and the West in New Orleans this season,” Jackson said in Oakland on Thursday night. “There is no way guys like Nash and Kobe are having better seasons than me. Sure, I missed the first seven games of the season because of that whole suspension deal, but I’ve been so well-behaved!”
If Davis is Golden State’s MVP, then Jackson is easily the team’s second-in-command.
Before checking to make sure his grill was properly aligned with his mouth guard, Jackson pulled an attractive female reporter aside and whispered something in her ear. Her eyes shot wide, and she rather loudly asked Jackson if he was sure.
“Hell yeah, baby. Tell ‘em all,” Jackson responded.
“Stephen…uh…he wants to be traded to the Eastern Conference,” the reporter announced tentatively as if she couldn’t believe the words she was expressing to a locker room full of hungry reporters.
Sensing that she felt a little uncomfortable, Jackson tapped her on the butt and motioned for her to step aside. A sea of reporters immediately engulfed Jackson, recorders in hand.
“Yeah, you heard her right. I want Chris [Mullin] to ship me back East. Anywhere but Indiana and Atlanta is cool with me. I’ve been there and done that,” Jackson said with a smile.
“It’s not that I want to leave Golden State because I really love the city and my teammates. I just want a chance to play for an All-Star team, and in the Western Conference there’s no room for pure shooters…and by shooter I mean, like with the basketball…on the team,” Jackson explained to the press with a sad, puppy pout smeared across his face.
“I wish I didn’t have to take things this far, but I need an all-star appearance to enhance my Hall of Fame resume,” Jackson added.
Multiple teams have already contacted the Warriors about Jackson’s availability, but nothing seems imminent. The best deal on the table thus far, according to Chris Mullin, involves dealing Jackson to Toronto in exchange for center Rasho Nesterovic.
The preceding article is a piece of satirical fiction. |
